Wedding Stories

Should Exes be Invited to Your Wedding?

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Wedding invitation

Image: David Franklin/Shutterstock

We meet a lot of people through our lives, people that mean something to us that we’ve lost touch with, friends we’ve never stopped talking to, and even exes that you may still be friends with. Once you start planning your wedding you and your fiancé start sifting through all of these people trying to decide who to invite to your big day. When it comes to exes, there is always one big glaring question. Should exes be invited to your wedding? Learn about the do’s and don’ts of inviting your ex, or your fiancé’s ex to the wedding, and how to behave once they are there.

For Starters

Consider your relationship with your ex. If you and your ex are great friends, there are still several things for you and your fiancé to consider.

There are two schools of thought when it comes to inviting an ex to a wedding.

The Nay Sayers

There are experts who are completely against inviting an ex to a wedding. Some people believe that once you are in a romantic relationship you can never devolve into becoming just friends. Once sex enters the equation, the relationship is forever altered. Therefore you should never invite your ex to the wedding because while you can put on a good show, it will ultimately hurt you and your ex and distract from the overall wedding.

Other nay saying experts have even more to say when children are involved. They believe that having their parents at a wedding where mom or dad is marrying someone else is confusing to the child. Also, they argue that it undermines the new family unit that you are creating, one that doesn’t include your ex. You may end up with more acting out behavior from your child if your ex is there.

Lastly, people who think inviting an ex is a faux pas believe it is awkward for your guests to show happiness for you when the person it didn’t work out with is across the room.

Supportive Thoughts

For as many people who think inviting your ex is a bad idea, there are just as many who think it is a good idea, under the right circumstances. If you and your ex have become friends, and your fiancée is ok with it, why not invite one of your good friends to your wedding?

There are even experts who would argue that inviting your ex to the wedding when children are involved is a good thing. It shows that you are a loyal person and that relationships can change, conflicts can be resolved. Plus, having your ex support the union may help your child accept it too.

Do’s and Don’ts

Remember that, although you and your fiancée are cool with your (or his) ex being there,  there are still some things that you should do and avoid.

Do: make sure to talk to your ex and treat them like every other guest. Introduce your ex as an old friend. Seat them with people they know and like.

Don’t: dance with your ex or talk to them for longer than you have any other guest—you don’t want people to gossip.

Sam loves having a name that's gender neutral, just to confuse everyone. You'll usually find Sam doing something Sam's not really supposed doing and causing mayhem everywhere Sam goes.